The Secret to Successful Parenting

As a soon to be new mom, I was desperate to learn how to do it right. I wanted all the secrets and tips on everything, from diaper rashes to symptoms to sleep schedules. I wanted to become an expert on all things baby, while I was pregnant so I would be fully prepared for when my little one arrived. It wasn’t until much later that I discovered the secret to successful parenting.

All of the Research

I am a self diagnosed information-aholic! Binge researching is always my first step to successful planning. And Holy Cow, there is a TON of research out there when it comes to having a baby!! I had my stack of pregnancy and after birth books, articles online, and brochures from the doctor that I ravaged for how to be a better parent and prepare for motherhood.

Even with my impulsive need for information, I barely scratched the surface of what’s available. Overwhelmed isn’t a word (with my excessive humility) I like to throw around, but it was definitely how I was feeling.

Just when I thought I had something figured out, I would happen upon information that contradicted it. Schedules are good, no wait, they are bad now. Introduce allergen foods (peanut butter) right away to build tolerance. Under no circumstance give them allergen foods until they are a certain age!

How was I supposed to become an expert at this mommy thing if I couldn’t find the right answers? What if I totally screwed up, and ruined this little tiny life that was depending on me?!

What You Hear From Everyone Else

In addition to all the written information I was cramming into my head, there was no shortage of people sharing their experiences.

Since it was coming from people I knew and trusted (and the research wasn’t working out so well for me), I started putting a little more weight on what I was hearing from family and friends. After all, I could see that their kids had already survived infancy and turned into decent human beings! Surely, they would have the answers I was looking for.

I logged away every tip and trick I was offered, and asked all the questions I could think of. (Which seemed excessive at the time, but after baby I realized was not very comprehensive). After many conversations, I learned how to soothe a teething baby, how to get baby to sleep through the night, and which pacifiers worked best. I heard all the expert tips: sleep while the baby sleeps, learn how to swaddle, and document diaper changes and feeding times.

The Cold Hard Truth

Then, baby arrived! All of my preparation seemed pointless. There was so much I hadn’t read about or anticipated.

Fresh air is the enemy of diaper changes. (There were many outfit changes and baths because mommy didn’t get the diaper on fast enough). Babies can tell when you’re sitting or standing. (Even if they’re asleep. And only standing is an acceptable way to rock!). It is nearly impossible to tell if a baby is still breathing while they’re asleep. (Many nights were ruined by a panicky mommy who woke a sleeping baby).

While I don’t doubt the intentions of those offering advice, or that their methods worked for them, most of the tips and tricks I got were not effective. I was convinced I was doing them all wrong! If they worked for my friends, why weren’t they working for me?!

The truth is, every mama experience is unique. There are no two identical babies, and no two identical mothers! What may work for one, might not work for another. You can research until your head explodes, and you will still feel overwhelmed and unprepared when that little baby arrives.

So What Is the Secret?!

I started this post promising a secret to parenting. Now you’re like “Hey lady, you tricked us with click bait!” Fear not! There is a secret that I learned along my years of parenting. It is one that I feel is SO IMPORTANT for all you expectant or new mamas to hear!!

The secret is…

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DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!!

Do all the research and listen to all the tips. But, don’t feel like you have failed or something is wrong if they don’t work! Most of the things I tried, didn’t work for my little ones. Eventually, though, we found things that did help. You’re the mama. You know how you’re feeling and what you need, just like you know your baby better than anyone else.

You Can Do This!

Trust yourself, mama. You may fumble for a while, we all do. You may make mistakes, we all do! And you might even change your mind about things along the way, WE ALL DO! All of us start this journey without having experienced it before. The best thing we can do for our little ones, is try to understand what they need.

To read more of my motherhood experiences, check out these other posts:

• Toddler Bedtime Routines
• First Time Mom Advice
• Playroom Organization

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