Whether you are considering having a child, are a brand new parent, or have been in the parenting game for some time now; YOU HAVE HEARD THESE WORDS: pick your battles and follow through!
They are at the core of every parenting experience.
Some parents are high energy and pick every. single. battle. I, on the other hand, only have the strength and patience each day for a limited number of battles. So, I have learned to choose wisely. (Most of the time.)
The trick to a successful outcome is your willingness to follow through. As a general rule, only pick those battles that you are willing to go down with to the bitter end. Yes, it will most often be bitter, filled with tears and tantrums for a while. But, the long term is worth it (Or so “they” say).
The Day Mommy Took All The Toys.
The Importance of Follow Through.
Ok, so why am I going on about battles?
Well, I recently picked a battle without thinking it all the way through, and I thought you’d all get a good laugh out of my experience.
First, I think it’s important to note that a battle is not an argument.
How are they different?
An argument is about communicating to someone the reasoning behind your opinion and trying to convince them to agree with you.
Often, for parents, this looks more like a yelling match where nobody wins and logic doesn’t matter.
A battle, in my opinion and for the purposes of this conversation, is (lets call it) a teachable moment where you are trying to teach your kiddos about expectations, life skills, socially acceptable behavior, character development….you get the idea.
This particular battle was several days in the making, and, as the title would suggest, involved toys. MANY MANY MANY toys. Every single toy in our house to be exact.
Here, we have a room dedicated to housing toys. It sounds impressive, but really it’s just a door to close the mess behind. Nothing fancy about it.
On the day in question, my son came running into the kitchen yelling, “Mommy, come check out what I did!”
I can say without doubt, my excitement didn’t make it past the door frame. There, in the middle of the play room, was piled every single toy in our house. A heaping pile, formed from the contents of every drawer, shelf, and bin.
Being the good mom I am (cough, cough), I swallowed my overwhelming desire to sink to the floor and weep over the upcoming hours of re-sorting and clean-up.
I looked over at my son and said something along the lines of, “Wow, that is crazy! You made a giant pile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (extra exclamations used to depict my squelched OCD anxiety).
After admiring his accomplishment, I informed him that his three year old self was wholly responsible for clean up duty.
No better time for a lesson in consequences than now, right?
Well, four days into this battle, I started to realize it wasn’t going my way. But, I was in it for the long haul (follow through, remember?).
Ok folks, here it is, the moment my poorly picked battle reared its ugly head. (You thought I had already told you the bad battle decision? Oh, you’re in for a treat.)
In my frustration, after several days of disorder, the words flew out with instant regret. “You need to pick up your toys or mommy is going to get rid of all of them!”
UGH!!! Rookie mistake. Never threaten something you aren’t committed to.
Not to my surprise, the consequences I presented were lost on his three year old self.
So, out came the garbage bags.
WARNING: Things are about to get really real here, so please don’t judge.
One by one, I began tossing toys into the bags. Each time explaining that I was going to take them out to the garbage and we wouldn’t be able to get them back.
There were many tears and goodbye proclamations as each toy went into the black abyss of the bag. With each bag filled, I slowly hauled it out to the garbage (our garage) while explaining that whatever toys he put away he would be able to keep.
Still, he refused to put away a single toy.
I have to say, I was genuinely nervous about how I was going to explain to my husband that I trashed all the toys.
There were nine, yes I said nine (we have since purged our collection) garbage bags sitting in the garage; filled with trucks, stuffed animals, balls, puzzles, hot wheels, trains, and so on (like I said….I held NOTHING back.
There couldn’t have been more than twelve toys left to bag up. (Remember my bitter end comment earlier?)
We were on bag number ten when, IT HAPPENED!!
While putting a toy into the bag and reminding him that it would not be coming back, he said, “Well, I think I would like to keep this one. So, I will maybe put it on the shelf.”
Guys, there are not enough exclamation points to convey my response!!!!!!
In my most exuberant voice I said, “Sure! If you put it away, you may keep it for later. Are there any other toys you would like to put away and keep?”
He proceeded to place the remaining toys in their “homes.” So, I told him I would bring in the other bags one at a time; and if he put away everything from one bag, I would bring in another.
It took all night, but eventually every toy was where it belonged with nothing left to be thrown out.
I cannot express to you how thankful I am that this story ended the way it did instead of with ridiculous amounts of toys being tossed (they most likely would have either been stored for a significant amount of time until it was safe to pull them out without discrediting the lesson or donated).
While it may have been a poorly selected battle that I have been careful not to repeat, it was also very effective. There has never been a re-occurrence of this particular scenario. (YAY!!! Mommy happy dance for experiential learning)
So, the moral of this story: CHOOSE WISELY AND FOLLOW THROUGH!
Especially as new parents, we all make mistakes. Whether you are the high energy parent or lean more toward the limited patience spectrum like me, we ALL make mistakes and learn from them. Just keep moving forward mommy and never forget you aren’t alone.
How about you guys? Ever picked a battle you wish you could take back? Did you get the outcome you were hoping for? I told you mine, now you tell me your follow through stories in the comments below.
For more thoughts on parenting, check out my other post The Secret to Successful Parenting
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Girl! I have literally done this EXACT thing! I still occasionally have to remind them that if they cant take care of or respect the toys they have, that we can just donate them. It only took ONE trash bag nightmare night… Now the reminder is enough. Lol You’re an awesome momma. =)
Teaching little ones to respect toys is no walk in the park! Especially with boys haha 😀
I looked over at my son and said something along the lines of, “Wow, that is crazy! You made a giant pile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (extra exclamations used to depict my squelched OCD anxiety).
Ha ha that part was good. Well done on following through. This is something I’m working on. More than that, I need to stop threatening to take away things I don’t want to take away, especially trips to the zoo or the aquarium, etc.
I’m happy that sticking to your guns paid off for you! Way to be mama.
Wow, I am not a mother and I do not have the patience to raise a child and give it lessons like this one, so I praise you. I am in amazement how my mother was able to do it.
https://www.learningfromstrangers.com
Motherhood is no easy task! Every day I gain more respect for my mother and love her even more for all the “lessons” she had to go through with me. Thank you for the kudos!
LOVE THIS! Can’t wait to share it with my daughter, who has a 4 year old! And I am glad it all turned out well for you in this situation.
I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed reading about this life lesson! It is amazing how much satisfaction comes from seeing your child actually get what you are trying to teach them. I hope your daughter enjoys this story too!
Been there and done that! wow atleast he put away the toys. My bags sat in the shed. I eventually a little at a time gave them back. This was 20 years ago. Following through is so important though!! Good job!!! As a preschool teacher I see many parents that don’t follow through and their children are not fun to be around when they are with them. 🙂
Sometimes I think the shock of what’s happening doesn’t come until after its happened! It took my son a while for it to sink in, we just had SO MANY toys that the process wasn’t finished yet lol
haha this is great I have a four year old that test me to my limits and forces me to follow through all the time. Her reactions though are more screaming and drama. lol You are so right though, very important to follow through so they can learn.
It definitely pays off eventually but its a LONG road!
This can be so hard but you’re right- so important!
Definitely!! Thanks so much for reading 🙂
I hate that we as parents have to follow through our threats! My battle is usually taking away my son’s phone as a punishment of coure. I often feel I am the one punished by this because then I can’t contact him when he is away from me.
I have definitely thought “this is worse for mommy than for you” lol
I have a toddler and am terrified of this every day! It’s hilarious and crazy to me to think that someone so young and tiny can create so much anxiety 😉 I try to avoid tantrum land mines but I’m just now learning to pick your battles and NEVER lay out a consequence you can’t or won’t follow through with 😉
Its amazing how smart they are with pushing our frazzled mommy brains to the absolute edge 😀 and when you do get there, just know you’re definitely not alone!!
So true, you have to pick your battles. For me it’s been a constant battle about words that are acceptable or not. My 6-year-old daughter feels that every word her 11-year-old brother says is a bad word even when it isn’t. We keep talking about it.
We are having similar conversations now with my four yr old trying to “parent” his younger brother!
I did this once, my girls started helping me put the toys in the trash bags?!?!
So glad it worked out for you with him putting them away.
Oh my goodness!! Sometimes the hardest part is explaining the difference between cleaning up nice things and cleaning up trash.
I am so glad it ended like that for you! I ended up with black trash bags full of toys hiding because I couldn’t bear to throw them out LOL. Was not one of my best battles. We are on grandbabies, now, so it’s all different. Best of luck and good wishes to you!
I was lucky enough to make this mistake when he was old enough to comprehend what was happening lol a few months earlier and I’m not sure I would have had the same result!
I so agree! I have had to throw away toys before and take them away! Very important to follow through! Thanks for the tips!
This was such a great lesson! I am a firm believer on following through with what we tell our kids. They need to have these boundaries and need to take what we say seriously.
Follow through is so important. It is also why I don’t threaten anything that I’m not willing to actually do.
I completely relate to this post. I often feel as if I could just give in, that I choose the wrong battle to win, but if we go back on our word they always end up taking more.