First Time Mom Advice

The Best Parenting Advice I Wish I’d Gotten As A First Time Mom

Even after having three babies under my belt, most days I feel like I’m still trying to figure this mama thing out. As a first time mom, I would have given anything for an instruction manual or survival pamphlet! While I’m far from knowing all there is, there are definitely some top parenting tips I wish I could have told my younger self. Since that isn’t an option, I thought I’d put together my best parenting advice for any first time mom out there who is feeling a little overwhelmed.

Bigger Picture

Being a parent is definitely a big picture endeavor. You bring home a tiny person and are expected to teach them everything there is to know about life. Then, eighteen years later, hope that you did everything right because there’s no way to turn back the clock! That’s why the first point of my best parenting advice is to always consider the bigger picture and how circumstances might influence your little ones in the future.

Here’s a great example of what that looks like. Never teach a one year old to do something you wouldn’t want a four year old doing. While it might be cute when your one year old starts developing an attitude and rolling their eyes or sassing back, it won’t be as pleasant when they’re doing it at four years old. If you encourage a behavior at a young age, it’s difficult for them to understand when they’re a little older and it’s no longer acceptable.

1+1 Doesn’t Always = 2

I know it sounds like basic math, but when it comes to little ones all math logic is out the window! So, the next tip for my best parenting advice for the first time mom is, not all kids are created equal.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that my first two sons could not be more different from each other! One’s extremely social and affectionate while the other is shy and independent. My oldest talks to anyone who will listen and likes long cuddles on a hard day. His younger brother retreats from any social interaction and only allows cuddling on extremely rare occasions.

Parenting techniques i used for teaching, disciplining, and communicating that worked for one had no effect on the other. I had to completely change up my parenting game! My best parenting advice for this would be to figure out what works for each of your littles and go with it. Forcing your littles to be something they’re not, only ends with frustration, tears, and brokenness.

Tear Jerker

Speaking of tears, I’m totally willing to go on record saying that crying isn’t always a bad thing. Just to clarify, my mommy heart is heavily influenced by tears. The “cry it out” sleep training method didn’t last long for us. However, your little one will try every trick in the book when it comes to manipulation.

For those moments when lifting their arm for a toy right next to them is too difficult and tears start falling, be strong! While they want nothing more than for you to stop folding laundry, walk from one side of the house to the other, and place the toy in their open palm, this mama says let them cry. While it may be a tough love scenario, learning that tears don’t solve every problem will help them develop basic crisis management skills and promote independence.

It’s about balance

There is a flip side to this first time mom advice tip. Just like I mentioned earlier, all little ones are different. Some feel things differently or more intensely than others. If you have a frequent crier, try not to respond negatively. Getting upset or punishing them for how they feel can impact them in a deep way and cause them to become withdrawn or doubtful.

Obviously everything can be taken to the extreme. I’m not saying you should be okay with hysterical fits or emotional tantrums. Be discerning about the root cause of their actions and respond appropriately. It takes practice, so don’t give up mama!

We are Responsible for Tomorrow’s Adults

Have you ever heard, “you get out what you put in?” Well, it’s extremely applicable when it comes to raising little ones. My best parenting advice for a first time mom, tip number four. Our littles can’t learn how to behave in a certain environment or situation if they aren’t put in them.

Every mama has experienced at least one store tantrum before. If you haven’t yet, it’s coming. Trapped in a cart looking at racks of clothes or shelves of groceries is the last place on earth they want to be. It’s also a place where they know you’re more reserved or lenient. Little ones are all about growing, developing, and learning which usually happens by experimenting with boundaries. There has been more than one occasion when my toddler has been heard by every living soul in the store.

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Let me encourage you mama. You may be tempted to flee toward the exit and never return, but that’s not a long term solution. We can wait to introduce our children to society until they’re adults (and hope they don’t still behave like children). Or, we can grit through the tantrums and teach them the right way to act in a public setting.

It’s also worth noting that little ones are all about specifics. While they may have already learned that running through the house is a no-no, that doesn’t mean their brains have reasoned that the same rule applies to store isles. Be patient and communicate in explicit and specific language. It will require much repetition, but eventually they’ll understand the expectations.

Bells and Whistles Not Necessary

This last point for my best parenting advice isn’t exclusively first time mom advice. In fact, it’s something I’m still working on after several years of parenting. Find toys that encourage or develop creativity and imagination rather than providing it for them. You may be thinking “HUH?” So, let me explain the difference.

Toys are toys, right? Wrong. There are entertainment toys and there are development toys. I like to refer to entertainment toys as “watching me” toys. All your little have to do is sit with their eyes open and these toys do all the work. They create the story line, don’t ask questions, or require any thoughtfulness. Development toys are things that stretch and push your little ones to grow and learn.

Here’s some examples. Your little one can sit and watch a video of someone putting a puzzle together, or they can attempt the puzzle on their own. My general rule of thumb is keep it as basic as possible. Instead of buying the baby doll that talks, eats, and poops on its own; choose the doll that does nothing and let your little one learn how to imagine different scenarios. Instead of buying a castle, maybe try building one out of blocks!

Is it really that important?

It might seem silly, but I promise it will make a difference. Being able to look around your environment with creativity and imagination is such an important lesson for our little ones. When they’re older and you take a trip to the park instead of sitting on the bench watching the other kids play, they will be spending their day as a strong knight saving the princess trapped in the tower or as the pirate searching for the lost mermaid! Their life will be filled with possibilities rather than waiting on instructions.

You Can Do This Mama!!

There you have it, the best parenting advice I wish I’d gotten as a new mom! Hopefully you found at least part of this post helpful in your search for first time mom advice. I would love to hear from you in the comments!

If you want to read more about parenting from this mamas perspective, I’d love to suggest another post I have called The Secret To Successful Parenting!

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