Mama, You Messed Up

Mommy failure, and why it’s a good thing.

We’ve all had those days when our kids push us to the brink of insanity. Repetitive questions, hanging from our waists for attention, crying at every provocation, complaining about everything we ask of them. This (and much more) is what we face each day, trying to maintain the happy mom composure that’s expected. But, the truth is, all of us deal with mommy failure.

After early mornings and long exhausting days, my patience begins to wane. My temper gets short, and in a moment of weakness I snap in anger at the little ones I love. As I watch their face melt and tears start to well up, I realize how much impact my actions have. As mom’s, we have all felt the  immediate guilt of our hasty anger.

I’m here to say “It’s okay mama! We are all human, and will fail.” Actually, our mommy failure can be one of the best lessons for our little ones!

How Failure Can Be A Success

As mom’s it’s our job and responsibility to teach our little ones the lessons and skills they will need as adults. As much as we’d like to protect them from it, failure is something they will have to face in their own lives. The example we set for them is how they will learn how to handle their own failures! 

We have all had an experience with a child who doesn’t handle failure well. This is a no judgment zone, life lessons are a work in progress that kids rarely learn the first time.

We talk our little ones through how to respond appropriately when they do something wrong or behave poorly. But, the best way of teaching them is through our example. As most mom’s know, you can say something a million times with no effect, but let one bad habit or word slip and they immediately pick it up.

Lesson’s Learned Through Failure

As hard as we try to be the perfect mama and not fail our little ones, with the right approach, our mommy failure can be turned into something positive.

Admitting you did something wrong

Humility is something that even adults struggle with. It’s not an easy thing to admit to someone, especially a child who isn’t yet capable of logically defending themselves, that we have made a mistake or done something wrong.

In my own motherhood experience, I have realized that I tend to create an atmosphere of mommy is always right. I tell myself it’s so that my little ones trust what mommy says, and learn to obey without questioning for their own safety. Yelling “Stop” as they run toward the street or “stay right here” as I load them each into the car.

Humility is as valuable a lesson as obedience. Recognizing they have done something wrong, is the first step for our little ones to learn how to handle criticism in a positive way. From there, they can begin to develop and improve their character.

So, mama, don’t be afraid to tell your little one that you made a mistake and did something wrong.

Learning how to apologize

As a mom of boys, I’ve thought a lot about the men I want them to become. My prayer is that they grow into confident men with characters of leadership, integrity, intelligence, compassion, and strength. Often, apologizing is portrayed as the opposite of these things. It is viewed as weak or emasculating.

I would argue, that teaching our young men (and women, for the girl moms reading this) to not only recognize their mistakes, but also apologize for them, is the basis for developing the characteristics I mentioned above.

Leadership is not considering yourself better than the ones you lead. Integrity starts with learning right from wrong. Intelligence is applying what you’ve learned. Compassion is understanding the struggle someone faces, because you have been there yourself and want to help. Strength is not giving up after failure.

From birth, kids learn by trying something (standing up), seeing what happens (falling down), and figuring out how to do it better (using furniture to balance until they master muscle control). If they can’t recognize their own failure, they won’t be able to go on to improve their actions.

By apologizing to our little ones after we have made mistakes, we are teaching them that failure is okay. And, how to use that failure to become a better and stronger person.

After you have admitted to your little ones that you made a mistake, be sure to apologize and explain why what you did was wrong.

Accepting consequences

This is the part that’s usually forgotten. We are forced to admit that we messed up, so we say “I’m sorry” and move forward. Hoping our failure stays in the past. But, what have we learned from the experience or how are we going to use it?

When it comes to learning from mistakes, especially for children (but also adults), consequences are the best motivators. Often, we view the difficult task of apologizing to someone as its own consequence. The truth is, an apology is just you admitting your failure to another person.

Apologizing does not negate the consequences that may follow, and it’s important we teach our children how to accept those consequences in a positive and responsible way.

A real life example 

The other day, I was scurrying around the kitchen cleaning up the mess from lunch. I offered my kiddos a bag of goldfish as a distraction to entertain them while I cleaned. I was already frustrated by having to clean, which I hate doing, when I turned just in time to see my youngest turn the bag upside down.

There were goldfish EVERYWHERE! Immediately I yelled out in frustration at the two little boys that were fighting over the bag. As I watched both of them break into tears, I realized I had messed up. As an experienced mama, I should have known offering them a full bag to share would end in disaster.

I scooped both of them up and walked to the couch. There, I explained that mommy made a mistake, apologized for my behavior, and said I would clean up the mess.

While this scenario may seem trivial, every experience is an opportunity for our little ones to learn through our mommy failure.

Have you had an opportunity to teach your little ones how to handle failure recently? I would love to hear about your real life mommy moments in the comments below!

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If you want to read about more real life mommy moments, check out my post about follow through The Day Mommy Took All the Toys