Bringing Baby Home: How to Prepare Your Older Child(ren)

Bringing baby home is one of the hardest adjustments you’ll ever make. It is a physical and emotional exhaustion that cannot be compared to anything else.

You bring home this little tiny human who is totally dependent on you every moment of the day. Then, you learn how to function on little to no sleep. Next, you figure out what makes them happy and what upsets them. Eventually, you change your entire schedule around for something called naps. You’re life is totally changed and adapted for this tiny person. THEN, once you think you’ve got a pretty good handle on it, you decide to have another!!

“How hard could it be?” You think. “We’ve already done it once, no big deal.”

Well I’m here to say, “DEAL, REALLY BIG DEAL!!!”

You can’t “sleep while the baby sleeps,” because leaving a toddler unsupervised is a no no. There’s no more “lay here for a minute while mommy makes food,” because older siblings don’t understand the dangers of playing hopscotch over the baby. It doesn’t work to “have a late lunch and just cuddle a little longer,” because there is another tummy waiting very impatiently.

Then, once you’ve gotten through the “I love my new baby sibling” stage, you have an entirely new monster to deal with, Jealousy! Closely followed by his cousin Regression.

I think I’ve made my point. Adding another little one is HARD! (But totally worth it)

Hopefully I haven’t totally freaked you out, and scared you away from having more little tinies (that was not my intention). Adding more kids is wonderful, especially if it’s something you’re really excited for. Keep being excited! But, also be prepared.

Here are some of the things we learned after baby #2, that you can use to help with your bringing baby home transition.

Include them (where possible) with baby care

Help you’re little one be involved with the new baby as much as possible. This is probably a little more natural with girls who have been playing with dolls up to this point. But it was a totally new experience for this boy mom! At first, there were a bunch of no’s directed at my oldest. Long explanations of why the little baby doesn’t want to play catch or crash trucks yet. Eventually, we were able to find specific jobs that he could help with and it kept him from feeling excluded or ignored.

One way that is easy to include them, is by putting your “changing station” somewhere accessible. This serves two purposes, it gets older kids involved and keeps them from being curious and causing mayhem with an open dirty diaper!!

Maybe try:

• Getting diapers
• Squirting soap for baths
• Picking baby’s clothes for the day
• Carrying the diaper bag
• Holding the bottle

An important thing to remember, is that their involvement should be a positive experience. It’s not about making a chore list that they’re required to fulfill at your whim. (I definitely had to figure this out after getting upset and reevaluating my own behavior) Be extremely expressive of how thankful you are and how great they are at helping. Talk to baby about what a good big brother/sister they have!

Be attentive

A new baby at home tends to absorb every ounce of your attention, UNDERSTANDABLY! So, when you have older siblings that are more self sufficient and less demanding, it’s easy to focus on the thing that seems more urgent (SCREAMING BABY!). I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to go from all the attention to dramatically less. As a self professed needy person, I can’t say I would respond any better than my three year old did at the time!

To keep our oldest from feeling disregarded or unimportant, we started setting aside specific times of the day (baby’s nap times work well since you can no longer nap with them lol) when we would intentionally spend one on one time with him.

Another thing we started doing was special individual activities, where mommy would stay with the baby while daddy went bowling with our oldest. Family events are good, but also take time for undivided attention.

Some ideas:

• Bowling
• Lunch dates
• Going to the grocery store (it totally counts!)
• Park trips
• Board Games

Create and encourage independent behavior

This is definitely a process you should introduce slowly, but totally worth doing!! Our oldest son was three by the time we brought home our second, and he had developed some neediness (I have no idea who he got it from…). It wasn’t anything extreme, in fact we hardly noticed it until number two was around. But with the addition, it was definitely time to start being more independent.

Some independent activities were definitely more helpful than others. While drinking from a cup was super exciting, it wasn’t quite as convenient as holding mommy’s hand to the car instead of mommy holding him. When you have a diaper bag (now stuffed for two), a purse, and a THOUSAND POUND CAR SEAT; you quickly realize the necessity of unloading any extra weight!

Another must, that you should definitely start working on pre-baby, is solo play. This is probably the hardest thing to teach them, because who wants to play alone when mommy has been such a great companion?! Ease into it by playing with minimal interaction from you, then slowly remove yourself once they have been distracted. At first, they will notice right away that you’ve left, but eventually you’ll be able to see the time get longer and longer.

You can also work with them on getting dressed themselves. It doesn’t seem like that would be super helpful, but it’s all about baby steps in the right direction, and learning how to be self sufficient!

Don’t force affection

This was especially tough for me. I would have long conversations with my oldest about why he should love his brother instead of being mean or saying “I hate him.” The reality is, you can’t convince them of something they don’t understand.

They don’t actually “hate” the new baby, they just aren’t happy with it taking the focus from them. If you allow the new baby to become a source of anger or fighting, it will only make your older kids associate negative feelings with the baby. They will eventually grow to care for each other, but it will have to be something you allow to happen with loving guidance, not force.

Set appropriate expectations

I’ve touched on this already, but I think it’s important to emphasize. There are some things older siblings aren’t capable of. Make sure you don’t set standards or expectations that they’re not capable of meeting. Remember, this new baby was you’re idea not theirs. Try to be understanding of what they are feeling and experiencing. That doesn’t mean you should allow bad behavior. Still enforce good rules and consequences.

Be patient

Because you haven’t heard this enough as a parent, I’m going to say it again! Patience is so important as you work through all of these transitions. Remember how overwhelmed and inexperienced you were with your first baby? It’s the same for your older kiddo, this is something they’ve never done before and it’ll take them a little while to get the hang of it.

So to recap…

Include them with baby care

• They want to be part of the exciting new experience

Be attentive

• Take time for undivided attention with older kids

Create and encourage Independent Behavior

• Learning how to do things on their own will make things easier for you too

Don’t Force Affection

• Forcefulness may create negative emotions associated with the new little one

Set Appropriate Expectations

• Make sure you’re only asking them to do things they are capable of

Be Patient

• This is a new process for everyone, take it slow

If you’re thinking about introducing a new member to the family, I would definitely start working on the things I’ve mentioned. Get started early and it will be an easier transition for everyone!!

I’m no expert at parenting, and I’m sure there are other ways to help with bringing baby home. I’d love to hear any input or advice you have, so please leave a comment for all of us to enjoy!!

I’d also love the opportunity to get to know you better through my social media pages! Head over to Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or Twitter and I’m sure we’ll become great friends!